Phrases and Quotes – waynealton

Here are some fun and/or inspiring quotes and phrases.

FAVOURITE QUOTES FROM OTHERS

Lifestyle

I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties, now I sneak out of parties to go to my house.
Unknown

Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind.
Unknown

Don’t underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak, and notice more than you realise.
Unknown

Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
Unknown

Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
Unknown

After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
Unknown

Dress how you want to be addressed.
Unknown

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
Unknown

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
David Brinkley

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher

Love what you have, before life teaches you to love what you’ve lost.
Unknown

There is enough in the world for everyone’s needs, but not enough for everyone’s greed.
Frank Buchman

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
Jim Hendrix

The longer you live in the past, the less of a future you have to enjoy.
Unknown

Life is not about the quantity of friends you have. It’s about the quality of friends you have.
Unknown

My mind still talks to you, my heart still looks for you, but my soul knows you’re at peace. I miss you every single day.
Unknown

Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge.
Unknown

I forgive, but I also learn a lesson. I won’t hate you, but I’ll never get close enough for you to hurt me again. I can’t let my forgiveness become foolishness.
Tony Gaskins, a motivational speaker, author, and life coach

The truth is still the truth, even if no one believes it. A lie is still a lie, even if everyone believes it.
Unknown

You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don’t alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views.
Tom Baker as ‘Doctor Who,’ 1977

War itself is, of course, a form of madness. It’s hardly a civilised pursuit. It’s amazing how we spend so much time inventing devices to kill each other and so little time working on how to achieve peace.
Walter Cronkite

Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.
Unknown

Being trans is like getting a Lego set, but then realising the instructions are for another Lego set entirely, but you don’t have any other instructions, so you just kinda have to work with what you got while looking at the picture on the box.
Luna Alarie Cadieux (from Twitter @LCardieux)

Hatred can be overcome only by love.
Mahatma Gandhi

Be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi

Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.
Mahatma Gandhi

Cherish each hour of this day, for it can never return.
Og Mandino, an American author

Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
Vin Diesel, an American actor

I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.
Eminem, an American rapper, songwriter, record producer, record executive and actor

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Winston S. Churchill, former British Prime Minister

Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in one.
Unknown

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou

Here is some food for thought… We should place the elderly in prisons. They will get a shower a day, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access to a library, computer, TV, gym, doctors on-site, free medication if needed.
Put criminals in nursing homes. They have cold meals, lights off at 7pm, two showers a week, live in a smaller room and pay rent at £4,000 a month!!! It’s pretty sad that we treat prisoners better than the elderly.
Unknown

You see a person’s true colours when you are no longer beneficial to their life.
Unknown

The best way to avoid disappointment is not to expect anything from anyone.
alexkraft.com

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
Marcus Aurelius

An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.
Unknown

Deep in my heart, I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am, so I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family and a few good friends.
Steven Aitchison

Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays.
Bruce Lee

Never ignore a person who cares for you. Because someday you’ll realise you’ve lost a diamond, while you were busy collecting stones.
Unknown

They laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at them because they are the same.
Unknown

The difference between school and life. In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Unknown

You’ll never be criticised by someone who is doing more than you. You’ll always be criticised by someone who is doing less. Remember that.
Denzil Washington

Humour

Don’t go to bed on an argument. Stay up and fight until one of you taps out.
Unknown

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.
Unknown

If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her any more.
Pearl Cleage

Brother to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.
Unknown

In reply to Frank Carson saying: “That’s it, I’m done!” The instant, without delay, response was: “I know, I’ve seen your act.”
Les Dawson to Frank Carson on Blankety Blank

If God doesn’t like gay people, then why do we look like perfect angels and homophobes look like God didn’t even try?
Unknown

The best way to get over a man is to get under another.
Denise Van Outen (I don’t know who said it originally).

And how unusual to serve Spaghetti Bolognese, without the taste.
Aunty Edna, (Barry Humphries)

It is better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
Unknown

When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn’t report it because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
Warren Buffet, an American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist.

Gay sex is literally twice as manly as straight sex.
Unknown

Grammar is important. Capital letters are the difference between “helping your Uncle Jack off a horse” and “helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
Unknown

There’s a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
Mr Francot

“Let’s eat Grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Punctuation saves lives.
Hannah Barness

If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.
Unknown

Put it on a pizza and I’ll eat it!
A gaydar profile next to the question, favourite food

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
Unknown

I might wake up early and go running. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same.
Unknown

If I wanted to listen to an asshole… I’d fart!
Unknown

If you say ‘gullible’ slowly, it sounds like ‘oranges’.
Unknown

Welcome to Amsterdam. When it’s hot, please dress for the body you have, not the body you want, thanks.
stuffdutchpeoplelike.com

Be nice or fuck off!
At the bottom of a Grindr profile

Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.
Unknown

Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to put that box up their arse.

Unknown

WAYNE’S OWN QUOTES

You call someone ‘darling’ and they say snap back at you with: “I’m not your darling” or “Don’t call me your darling.” This simply needs to be met with: “Wow… if you’re offended by that… can you imagine how you’d be if I called you what you actually are.”

“I want: a flat tummy and a fat arse… not the other way around.”

“Don’t better my lines”

“I don’t start arguments… I end them!”

“I was born at least 300 years too early”

“If you would only concentrate on liking me for who I am, you might spend less time disliking me for what I am!”

“Parts of my body are telling me ‘I’m up for it’ but other parts are saying: ‘you’re not up to it!’

“Deadwood is also known as drift-wood, you only hold on to it ’til a rescue comes along… until then, you’re only drifting!”

“It’s nice out…”

“Yes, it is… I’m thinking of getting mine out too!”

“I take men as they come!”

“Big knob is ok, only if you have one, not if you are one!”

“There’s only three kinds of Homophobe: those that wish they were gay, those that wished they hadn’t been and those who are pig-shit thick!”

“Sometimes, in a heated debate, amongst all the arguing and shouting, remaining poised, composed and saying nothing, can be most deafening.”

“Religion… just stop it. It’s silly!”

“If you keep your expectations way low… you’ll be less disappointed.”

“If you take someone back, or forgive them, when they cheated on you… you’re also taking back their ability to do it again, and they know that they will be forgiven again… even if you said ‘last chance.’

WAYNE’S OWN RULES OF LIFE

“If you don’t want me… I don’t want you.” This generalised expression is all about a person behaving like you are more of a nuisance to them, and their actions and words give you that impression. It’s imperative not to tolerate that kind of behaviour, but instead, to leave and wait. If they don’t come back, they only wanted you for their narcissistic pleasures. If they do come back, tear them off a strip, reminding them that a piece of love for them was chipped away and left a crack, so they need to be extra careful… for the rest of the relationship.

Sex? Try to avoid threesomes, someone often feels left out. Keep the numbers even… invite a fourth!

Don’t be offended if someone doesn’t like your choice of music, it’s not because you have poor taste in music… it’s because theirs is limited.

The reason for someone’s curt and snappy behaviour has nothing to do with you… until they are snappy because of you.

Essentials to a successful partnership start with honesty. From honesty, a trust will develop automatically. From trust, love will blossom. So honesty, trust and then love… without any of those three essentials, you’ll be missing the bond that determines a life-long partnership… with anyone or anything.

I’ve always held the door open for the next person to walk in or out of the door that I’ve just used… gay, elderly, black and white folk and even children… but I will always tell them off if they don’t say thank you.

Only ever nice – if you are fortunate enough to outlive your friends; then they will have lived their lives knowing that you were only ever nice.
If your friends outlive you; then you leave a memory to everyone that you were only ever nice.

I always make a point of checking the person behind me in the supermarket queue to see if they have only two or three items and if they do, I offer for them to go ahead of me. I then comment that it’s my good deed for the day and that now I can return to being a miserable old git!

I have more respect for the elderly than any other member of the human race.

I insist on starting any conversation with a smile and a pleasant greeting… that way, if it goes downhill or pear-shaped, it was the other person’s fault.

I gave up one of my favourite pastimes of singing indoors with amplification or playing music loudly purely to retain the respect that I offer my neighbours, to express good neighbourly conduct and appreciate other people’s peace and quiet. It also allows me to command a degree of respect back.

Teach someone with ‘their’ hands on… not yours. I believe that a more successful way to teach someone how to move around a computer screen and how to perform tasks is to give them the controls from the start and use only your eyes and gentle vocal encouragement. They are also more likely to retain what they have learned this way.

Keep love separate from finance. If you lend money to a loved one, keep it business… no matter how well, how long you have known them or even how much you love them. A breakdown in a financial arrangement is a nuisance and inconvenient… letting a loved-one off from repaying you can create resentment, possibly damaging the relationship. Keep it a business arrangement and maybe write it down too, both signing an agreement (unless you’re so loaded, then it doesn’t matter).

Everyone, look after the elderly… and keep it going! You’ll see what I mean and, more importantly, why… in time!

TYPICAL LINES FROM CONVERSATIONS HAD WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST CAN’T GRASP THE CONCEPT OF OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

Question: “Why do you not just stick with one person?”

Answer: “Why do you not just stick with one restaurant?

Question: “Don’t you ever worry that he’ll come back with something and give it to you?”

Answer: “Never gonna happen… we don’t have sex.”

Question: “But, surely… don’t you ever get jealous?”

Answer: “Yes. When he’s been out cruising and got off with the same person who wasn’t interested in me when I tried.”

Question: “Ah… but aren’t you worried he might fall in love with someone else?”

Answer 1: “Sweetie, if the relationship is that unstable, then that risk is there whether it’s an open relationship or not.”

Answer 2: “Something that you’ll be familiar with… ‘BOUNDARIES.’ It’s a bit like the rules and limitations that you have in a monogamous relationship. Rules about attitudes of flirty behaviour, and then the more extreme ones like not being allowed to even look in a certain direction if someone is remotely attractive… well it’s a boundary also, but one that isn’t so highly strung or tightly wound that a mere fart could set it off.”