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Poetry Corner

On the quiet, I enjoy writing... well, sitting in front of the screen with a keyboard. I find it very therapeutic if I am dealing with a traumatic incident or trying to cope with grief. The following poems were written by me:


SHE'S MAD... I'M GLAD

Here are a few words about my dear sister, Nikki. This was written during the Covid pandemic and couldn't see one another due to lockdown.

SHE'S MAD... I'M GLAD

 

We’ve fallen out and then fallen back in

Sometimes I lost, sometimes you’d win

Been rude to each other and called each other names

We’ve had as many fights as we have played games

 

I’ve put you back on track, you’ve led me astray

We’ve got drunk together in pubs straight and gay

We’ve worked together it’s been a scream

You and me... we’re quite a team

 

You held my hand when I nearly died

I’ve held yours while we’ve cried

We’ve lived with each other, good and bad

You drove me nuts, I drove you mad

 

You inspire me with your strength

We are always on the same wavelength

You need to know I miss holding you

And just being and laughing with you too

 

Wayne Alton

4 January 2021


SOMETIMES EVERY DAY

I wanted to write about Jezz and how I feel about him and then compare that with the opposite feeling that I have.

SOMETIMES EVERY DAY

 

Sometimes I just don’t wanna wake up

Sometimes I can’t manage on my own

Sometimes I feel so full of fear

Sometimes I feel anxious and so alone

 

Sometimes I don’t have the strength

Sometimes I don’t really care

Sometimes I want to sit in silence

Sometimes I want to scream with despair

 

Sometimes I want to run away and just drive

Sometimes I just stay shut in my room

Sometimes I can’t see that tunnel and light

Sometimes it’s just doom and gloom

 

Sometimes I feel so small and can’t reach

Sometimes I don’t feel so tall

Sometimes I feel I could run a mile

Sometimes I can barely manage a crawl

 

And then...

 

Every day I see you off to work

Everyday moments of just us

Every day you make me feel safe

Every day with you is a plus

 

Every day with you I feel less weak

Every day I feel I belong

Every day we find the time and talk

Every day with you it’s like nothing’s wrong

 

Every day I feel calm with you by my side

Every day when we’re out or at home

Every day a cuddle, a hug or holding hands

Every day I’m reminded I’m not alone

 

Every day you make me feel brave and tall

Every day you make me try to reach and touch

Every day you hold me from running away

Every day I love you so very much

 

Wayne Alton

30 August 2020


WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

I overthink... I write... another poem... different day, same old shite!

WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

What am I waiting for?

To admit defeat with my health

Or is it to win the lottery?

And experience life with wealth

 

What am I waiting for?

Is it to continue fighting my fears?

Or grieve for another dying loved one

And live on while fighting tears

 

What am I waiting for?

Depression keeps me in the past

I long for a pleasant future

But how long the wait? How long will it last?

 

What am I waiting for?

I need to stop over thinking it

I try to focus on making new memories

Instead of re-living the same old shit

 

What am I waiting for?

This meaningless life to re-start

This nothing-to-fear feeling to end

A bypass for my thoughts, from the brain to the heart

 

Wayne Alton

11 August 2020


JAKE

It's lockdown 2020, owing to the coronavirus pandemic. During a FaceTime call with my youngest grandson, Jake, we thought it would be fun to make a quick rhyme about one another. Here's mine, created in about 5 minutes flat so not terribly intellectual... so just like the rest of them, then!

JAKE

I’m thirsty so a milkshake I shall make

I need to give it a name... I think I’ll call it Jake

I want it to be like a smoothie but not too thick

So I must be careful with the ingredients that I pick

 

I’ll start with J for juice, to make it nice and sweet

And then add a for apple, this is looking neat

I’ll add a K for kiwi, it’s a furry little fruit

And lastly e is for elephant or should I use an old boot

 

Wayne Alton

5 June 2020


RAW MIND

I have moments of sheer raw helplessness and this was written right in the midst of one of these times. 

RAW MIND

Doubting, crying, back there, so low

Hold on tight or just let go

Keep it, throw it, I just don’t know

Profound sadness as the tears flow

 

Mindless, endless, wasted timeline

Got it, lost it, it’s a very thin line

Something’s up, everything’s fine

One day grey, the next sunshine

 

Trapped, hopelessness, the sense of drowning

Tears and days lost, forever counting

Memories, fading still images browning

Disappointment, failure, sunken and frowning

 

When it hits hard, it’s completely draining

Energy fights feist, hope is straining

It’s cold, shivering, lost and raining

Only the end feels remaining

 

Play it down, put on a brave face

Do it now, step out of the empty space

Grab the warmth with a tight embrace

Eyes still cry, but it feels a better place

Hope in the distance, so you give chase

 

You cry out silently, hope moves faster

This cannot be healed with just a plaster

You realise that ‘it’ is the master

Hope fades, back to the disaster

 

Doubting, crying, back to helplessness

The only bright outlook is forgetfulness

Back drowning in a sea of woefulness

Accepting a life of sheer tearfulness

 

 

Wayne Alton

2 September 2019


THESE OLD HANDS

I sat looking at how old my hands looked and it instantly reminded me of my Dad's and my Grandmother's hands... always looking so old. But that got me thinking of all that they have gone through and achieved. From my Dad making things with wood to the love and care of my Grandmother who loved me like a Mother until she was 76.

THESE OLD HANDS

These hands were not always this old
Once, you couldn't have seen the veins
These hands have not only bought and sold
They’ve helped stroke away aches and pains

 

These hands held the handles of my first Chopper bike
They built castles in the seaside sand
They've held things that I've both loved and didn't like
They've held tiny and fragile as well as mighty and grand

 

These hands held my Gran's hand so tight
Whilst out shopping or on the way to school
And my first girlfriend's hand walking her home at night
They shaped my wedge style haircut, that helped me look cool

 

These hands ran over letters whilst learning the alphabet
They engineered my first radio show
They held and lit my first cigarette
They’ve known when to hold tight and when to let go

 

These hands strummed the guitar that I learned to play
They washed Dad’s car for fifty whole pence
They wrote pros and cons lists, deciding to leave or stay
They’ve documented magic and stuff that doesn’t make sense

 

These hands held the wheel when I passed my driving test
They gripped the mic at karaoke, so tight
They’ve fingered through hairs of some manly chests
And cuddled up close to others on cold lonely nights

 

These hands held my head in times of despair
They shielded my eyes when I felt so afraid
They’ve counted the times when it’s been so unfair
They have helped me to log the memories made

 

These hands held my father’s, a bonding moment of sheer grief
When his soul partner of forty years passed away
We both felt comfort through pain, and although it was brief
It felt like one of my longest ever days

 

These hands held my baby girl, the day she arrived
The proudest moment of my life indeed
They've dried tears as loved ones have died
They’ve comforted and hugged friends, in times of need

 

These hands are wearing the gold infinity ring
When I think of him, my heart expands
If I’ve learned nothing else, there is but one thing
I found forever love… with These Old Hands

 

Wayne S. Alton
3 November 2018


A UNIQUE AND COMPLETE BOND

I've never been sure that I show the love that I feel for my daughter and my two grandsons. I tell them frequently but I feel it just as strong when I'm alone, with my thoughts. I worry that what little I've achieved in life, they'll not be proud of me.

A UNIQUE AND COMPLETE BOND

I’ve not done much with my life
And I’m not proud to say
But when I think of what I love most
I wouldn’t have it any other way

 

My heart is so full of love and admiration
It’s hard to find the words to say
But the love I receive from my boys
Fills me with happiness every day

 

Seeing the success and beauty of my angel
My daughter, my friend, my pride and joy
I thought I had all the glory
But then came along two beautiful boys

 

They are huge fun to be around
I want to love and hug them forever
I feel such a unique and complete bond
Whenever we are all together

 

I love my daughter and grandsons so very much
From when I go to sleep to the moment that I awake
I dedicate this to my gorgeous daughter Kelly
And my handsome grandsons… Ethan and Jake

 

Wayne Alton
25 April 2018


TOGETHER FOREVER, AND NEVER FOREVER, WE'LL PART

I grow old and observe the love within relationships, some developing, some fading and it made me think of what I have with Jezz is very special. David Jack once said that he wished he had a relationship like mine and Jezz's... one of my favourite compliments, ever! 

TOGETHER FOREVER AND NEVER FOREVER, WE'LL PART

We met in 2000, I wasn’t feeling too well
You nursed me to good health, it was then I could tell
The love you showed for me was second to none
The care you gave to me, made you my number one

 

We became inseparable, the love grew thick and fast
I knew back then our bond was definite to last
So we moved in together and set up our new home
And ever since that day, we have never been alone

 

As years pass by, our devotion grows so strong
I realise evermore, that you and I belong
People start to envy the dedication that we share
And everybody knows now, that we come as a pair

 

We hug each other daily, through the sunshine and the frost
We hug and grieve together for loved ones that we’ve lost
If I were a stage wagon, you would be the wheels
I wonder if anyone else knows just how that truly feels

 

So 17 years together now, I know we’ve got it right
I don’t know any other couple whose bond is so very tight
So I just want to say, I love you with all my heart
We’re together, forever and never forever we’ll part

 

Wayne S. Alton
14 February 2017


HOMAGE TO THE BRUSSEL SPROUT

This stems from an actual afternoon having eaten another Christmas 'cold meat and bubble.' I wasn't feeling too comfortable and was torn with the feeling of contentment but all whilst sitting in a haze of disgusting scent.

HOMAGE TO THE BRUSSEL SPROUT

I’ve had a lot of bubble
And it’s got me into trouble
Because I’ve left a funny smell about the place
If you see me in the street
Before any meet or greet
You might want to think about leaving a larger space

 

For although I’m a happy fellow
The air around me is a little yellow
As Dad used to say: I fid a little dart
And as I sit here brewing one more
Of this much I am sure
This ain’t the end but merely the start

 

Look… it’s as simple as this
After sprouts, farting is bliss
I can’t hold it in… I’d surely explode
So have a little compassion
This is just a Yuletide fashion
Mind you, if this carries on, I’ll need a commode

 

Wayne Alton
27 December 2016


ALONE IN THE AISLES, WE ONCE WALKED TOGETHER

Eight years living without my Dad and time spent alone in my room, pondering the conversations I haven't been able to have made me remember what I used to do when Dad was around. 

ALONE IN THE AISLES, WE ONCE WALKED TOGETHER

Monday mornings, the drive on my own
These days without you, if only I’d known
I’d have done more than just call each day
Then maybe the sadness wouldn’t be this way

 

Cos I’d have more memories than I have of you
These grey days wouldn’t be so blue
It’s 8 years now, with you gone
This heartache just goes on and on

 

Who can I turn to? I still have no one else, Dad
Which explains why some of my decisions are bad
You gave me the logic, the sense to decide
My choices with your wisdom I held with pride

 

When I think of my life now, with its torments and fears
I still can’t seem to hold back the tears
The pain of loneliness leaves my heart sore
I want to tell you a joke on the phone once more

 

I hold out every day to hear you laugh with me again
But I wander on and try to cope with the pain
Thinking of you keeps you with me forever
Alone in the aisles, we once walked together

 

Wayne S. Alton
2 August 2016


A CATCH UP WITH DAD

I was thinking if I was able to speak to Dad again... on the phone, say, then what would I tell him? How would the conversation go?

A CATCH UP WITH DAD

Hiya Pops, how’s it going?
“How’s yer bum for spots?” Whatcha’ knowin’
It’s been eight years now, did you know?
Blimey, where does the time all go?


Do you remember that sweet wrapper you made?
I’ve still got it and while colours fade
The shape and the folds remain
M for Michele, N for Nik and W for Wayne

 

Well it gave me an idea or two
I created a design from it and had a tattoo
It’s just down from the other one I had done
It’s of your signature, I love that one

 

I was talking to Zoe about you last week, as you do
She’s got some fun and lovely memories of you
She recalled some of the funny sayings you had
Such an odd feeling… laughing while feeling sad

 

Oh and Dad, I went to the crematorium the other week
Sorry I haven’t been in a while, it did look a bit bleak
But I refreshed the flowers and cleaned the plaque
And did my usual walking away but looking back

 

I haven't spoken to you since Aunty Gwen passed away
That was another sad and mournful day
But I hope you got to hear my eulogy I read out
I can’t be sure but I reckon you were about

 

Well the move went ok and we’ve settled in now
We got here in the end but I don’t know how
Don’t know what you’d think of shoes off at the door
No smoking outside, let alone indoors!

 

Hey, Dad… you’d be proud, I’m looking after your tools
Everything in its place… the household rules
And although your shrine has reduced just a tad
There are keepsakes of you around so it’s not so bad

 

And have you seen me at the gym, trying to keep fit?
It’s not helping me fitness much and I ache quite a bit
And I’m not noticing much change on me weekly weigh-in
But if you’re there watching… I know what you’re saying

 

‘Cos remember what you’d say when we were out and about?
An old bloke in shorts running by, all puffed out
Instead of us admiring his concerns for his health
You’d say aloud: “The silly sod… he’ll kill himself”

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I still think of you dear
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t have you near
Right me old man, I’ll be off now then
Speak to you again soon, TTFN

 

Wayne Alton
14 April 2016


SEVENTH CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU, DAD

It dawned on me that no matter how long it takes time to pass by, I live in a constant timeframe when it comes to remembering Dad being around. Events like Christmas gatherings are the biggest stark reminder.

SEVENTH CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU DAD

This is our 7th Christmas without you Dad
I said a few years back I ain’t doing so well
But it’s the real reason why I am so sad
I try to hide it… and I think they can’t tell

 

I feel the emptiness you felt back then
When Betty died that Christmas Eve
Will I feel happiness at Christmas ever again?
Will this ache in my heart ever leave?

 

They say: “Stop living in the past! It’s time to let go,
Get on with your life and move on”
But they didn’t have a Dad like you, so what do they know?
Besides, thinking of you helps me along!

 

So wherever you are, Merry Christmas Dad
You’re not forgotten in my heart or my head
And when I think of all the things that I once had
I forget them all and think of you instead

 

Wayne Alton 
Christmas Eve, 2014


PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME

This was a particular telephone call from a friend. I started questioning the value of a friendship when it was continually being filled with confidence-bashing and leaving me feeling worse than I already did. 

PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME

It feels my whole life has been questioned
Feeling washed up and useless isn’t enough
People like to remind you that you’re no good
So-called friends can be so rough

 

I’m sure people think I'm having a ball
And call me names behind my back
He’s a leach, a sponger, lives off the state
But it’s only energy that I lack

 

I can still feel, hear and see
And I try to do right where I can
But you only see me when I’m well
The rest of the time, I’m really a sick man

 

Think about it; would you employ me?
A risk to take on, unreliable in health
One day fine, the next day ill
And don’t be fooled by the appearance of any wealth

 

I can’t socialise like I used to
I don’t party, drink or smoke
I spend my life sat in my room
If it wasn’t so sad it would be a joke

 

What I’m saying is I have no debts
My outgoings are just household bills
So mostly my money is spent on heating,
Washing, cleaning and meals

 

You know I’d work if I could
If someone would take me on
But you probably think that’s an excuse too
He’s lying… it’s just a con

 

Of course, it’s easy money
But it’s a trap for me too
I don’t want to be looked at this way
I’d like to be normal… just like you

 

So please think before you judge me
I’m not lazy but neither am I fit
I just fear I could not sustain work
And if I tried, could I maintain it?

 

Wayne S. Alton
13 December 2014


MY BIG SIS, MICHELE

I had already created a poem tributing my sister Nikki and thought it only correct to do the same for my sister, Michele.

MY BIG SIS, MICHELE

There’s something about me and my big sis
It’s spooky and spiritual and in no way remiss
Our emotions hardwired and I don’t know why
We can be miles apart and yet both start to cry

I feel her energy, strength, temper and pain
I feel her trying, again and again
She wins in the end as elegance shines through
And you can depend on her judgement, to be honest and true

My big sister Michèle does have one strange quirk
Try this out on her, it’ll definitely work
Ask her something like who ran up the hill with Jack
She won’t say Jill, but instead ask a question back!

 

Wayne S. Alton
22 October 2014


JEZZ IS MY COMPLETE

I have many feelings of emotions when I think of how Jezz has supported me over the years and this was 14 years into knowing him. I thought of what he does for me and how his involvement in my life affects me and what I am capable of.

JEZZ IS MY COMPLETE

Jezz is my complete constant and absolute
He keeps me safe and warm
The tight togetherness you cannot refute
Shade in the sunshine, shelter in a storm

He protects me like a bodyguard
He manages and keeps me in check
Cos looking after me can be quite hard
But he sorts the parts that are like a wreck

Without Jezz, I would sit and wonder
I couldn’t live on my own, just me
My life and world would be asunder
I’d no longer stand, walk, hear nor see

 

Wayne Alton
5 October 2014


MY BIG SISTER NIKKI

The devotion that my sister Nikki shows to me is overwhelming and is truly a wonderful feeling. I wanted to show recognition of this and express my thanks for the outpouring of love she continues to show on an almost daily basis.

MY BIG SISTER, NIKKI

My big sister loves me so much
And it shows from time to time
I thought I'd spend a moment or two
to say thanks with a little rhyme

You're a whirlwind... no... a tornado
Of relentless laughter and fun
If it were possible to weigh it all
The scales would read more than a ton!

Thanks for being my rock so still
And once again you hold my hand
Whenever I'm feeling poorly or ill
You always understand

 

Wayne S. Alton
3 October 2014


MEMORIES OF MY GROWING UP

This is a poem written over several weeks that looks back on the memories of my growing up...

MEMORIES OF MY GROWING UP

Bouncing on space-hoppers seemed safer by far
Than white-knuckle rides in Grandpa’s car
Unknown destinations, powdered bonbons we’d suck
And under every bridge, Grandpa would shout “duck!”

 

Going to Harold Park, we’d call the ‘old rec’
Didn’t matter if it was cold, we had our Ready Brek
Playing on playground rides, remember The Mexican Hat?
Life in your own hands when you got on that!

 

Black Jacks and fruit salads, 2 for 1p
Choice of flavours for crisps, only two or three
Double Agents, candy tobacco, Milk Tray as a bar
M&M’s were Treets, cola cubes from a glass jar


Frozen triangles of ice, Jubbly’s were their name
You can still get them now but they’re not the same
It’s the same with Wagon Wheels, they used to be huge
Ooh, and I’ve just remembered: Pacers, the stripy mint chews

 

Bunking off on my Chopper bike and home in time for tea
Buying 10 JPS with all of my dinner money
We had a hideout camp at the back of Royston Park
It even had a battery-powered lantern for when it got dark

 

Homemade Go-karts with no brakes, screaming downhill
The worst name for the police was simply ‘old bill’
Pavements melting from the ‘76 heat wave
Playing cards with the family, and the winnings we’d save

 

Saturday afternoons, silence with Gran, it’s ten past five
World Of Sport league table results, read out live
Then every Thursday evening the doorbell rung
It was Bob the pools man, to see if Gran had won

 

When the news on the telly was boring and never funny
The smell of Grandpa’s tomatoes, the garden so sunny
I kept digging and digging because of what he said
Australia’s down there – so gullible and easily led

 

There was no shampoo for head lice, nothing so grand
You just put up with Gran pulling at every strand
Dramas didn’t stop at just your hair
Swimming baths and verrucas were also a common affair

 

Playing vinyl on Gran’s Gramophone
No graphic equalizer - you were lucky if you had a knob for tone
Those were the days of Top of the Pops LP’s
Popular chart songs sung by someone else… badly!

 

Christmastime family gatherings – the smell of sherry
Egg nog with a cocktail stick and a glacē cherry
A single Babycham – that yearly treat
Throwing up too many pickled onions made it all complete

 

Do your Frank Spencer impression and Tommy Cooper too
Do that funny walk on your knees and where’s your Emu?
Black hands from the newspaper during pass the parcel
Cheating when the music stops… you naughty little rascal

 

Sneaking downstairs before it’s time to get up
Grandpa’s tot of whiskey in my teacup
Saturday nights, we nearly got what for
Watching Starsky & Hutch through the crack in the door

 

Learning to wear a tie and doing up laces
Morning assembly and fresh singing faces
Short trousers showing our skinned knees
Running from stag beetles and bumble bees

 

Getting caught smoking in junior school
Three smacks on the legs with a wooden rule
Wait ’til your father gets home and I’ll skin ya alive
Get changed out of your uniform and table laid by five

 

Homemade lamb stew all gristle and with bones in
You be thankful, eat it up and stop yer moaning
Homemade rice pudding, who wants the skin?
Hoarding Brussell Sprouts ’til you got to the bin


These are just some memories of my growing up
I’ll put the kettle on and make another cup
Then jot them down, for you to view
After I’ve pieced them together and called them part two

 

Wayne Alton
9 September 2014


I THINK OF YOU AT LEAST EVERY DAY

Exactly one year without my dearest and most missed friend David, I wrote this poem to express how I was feeling at that time, remembering him, one year on.

I THINK OF YOU AT LEAST EVERY DAY

DD, how did we cram in so much
In such a short space of time
But wow the memories I do clutch
That brighten up this dark world of mine

 

So clever to teach without even knowing
To give me the ability to see
That, although middle age, still growing
You paved my future's path for me

 

You self-less rock of a man
I still miss you so much you know
And typically, as only you can
Your kind love and wisdom continues to show

 

Every decision I consider today
Every laugh, every thought, every tear
Is easier in a funny sort of way
I cope: pretending you're sat near

 

Thank you, DD, for letting us love you
I look back and now understand 
I realise now that you already knew
That you were going to let go of my hand

 

But thanks to all the memories of you
I have a zest for life and hey...
I reckon I'll make it through
Cos I think of you at least every day

 

Wayne Alton
13 November 2012


ODE TO A COTTAGE

Having spent a long FaceTime call with David Jack, reminiscing on old haunts for cruising cottaging, I put down first a list of them and then just got them to rhyme. 

ODE TO A COTTAGE

Opposite the long gone Cherry Orchard – there’s a memory or two
Oblivious as they walk over what was once a great underground loo
Derelict now but once a busy car park off Sutton Lane
Do you think they will ever open it up again?
Pulled down and now car parking space for the Holiday Inn
Sutton’s best that was… real brick… not made out of tin
Oh how we grieved when, for one last time, they closed the doors
Under Wallington library, we left a wreath on the floor

 

“I’ll see ya at Katherine Street later then,” another memory of old
Right opposite the police station too! How bold!
Then there was that one, near South Croydon bus depot
Down a side road as I remember, so long ago
The Drummond Centre, notes and hands came under the wall
Double the fun in the middle cubicle
Or a tad of privacy in the disabled lock up, ideal for two
We didn’t think about much then, what, why and with who

 

Behind Bejams was another Croydon hot spot
It was later called McCluskys and other names I’ve since forgot
Keeley Road had its moments… ideal for lunch hour fun
Popping out for a nosh; I meant a bacon roll and a sticky bun!

 

And then Purley Way with its busy car park
Fondling strangers late at night and in the dark
And then Holly Lane had its moments too
Well, when the council didn’t close the gents loo
But then again, it still went on around the back
Again, hard in the dark but ok if you got the knack!

 

We’d gather at Epsom Downs and if there was nowt going on
We’d stand about and natter about the goings on
Have you seen that one in the Micra? She’s ever so camp
Who’s in the end cubicle? Only a drunk old tramp.
They raided Bejams again yesterday, took away 2 queens in a van
And took down the particulars of another young man

 

Let’s share the tales of shenanigans; of the loos long gone
Only happy memories – makes ya’ wonder why was it so wrong?
But they’ve gone now, no more… dried up or pulled down
Or filled in and paved over those ones once underground
But don’t get too down-hearted, all is not lost
Queers are a cruisey bunch, they’ll find cock at any cost

 

So if you see a rustling bush or two pairs of feet under a wall
There’s no harm being done, It’s just two guys going at it, that’s all
You see, there was always a place to frolic, many moons ago
But they’ve pulled them down or cut them back… still… hay-ho
So leave the old queens alone, they’re not harming you
Hell, fuck it… join in! You might have fun too

 

Wayne Alton
26 January 2012


BREAK ME IF YOU CAN

This poem was written when I was feeling very low. Part of the reason was that someone had treated me appallingly and I wasn't expecting it. Rather than let them know, I said nothing but put words into a poem instead. I love the idea of them stumbling on my site and this page, reading this poem and knowing that it was all about them.

BREAK ME IF YOU CAN

You know that I am an open book... And that I have nothing to hide
You have shared the tears of laughter and the sad ones that I have cried
I have no secrets from you, you know all there is to know,
I am there for all to see, all of me is on show

 

You may chip away at my confidence, you can take away my pride
Cross-examine me, and know that I have not lied
Disbelieve my words, I can do no more
I live my world with honesty, at least of that I am sure

 

I have little to offer, but what I have you can be sure
That my loyalty, honesty and trust can be described as pure
I keep my arms open wide, as there's always a comfort-hug to share
But my heart is scarred and battered because it too is always there

 

And as the years roll on and my eyes see another year go by
Another goodbye to a loved one blurs the vision as I cry
But it's the ones who remain, who cause a similar grief
Rejecting my friendship from just an opinion or belief

 

I wish of those no longer around... To be here with me once more
For they didn't judge or frown - just a true love for sure
Dad, DD, Jeanie and Maggs, to name but a few
To those still here with their out-dated views, respect still but I'm through

 

I'm comfortable with my lifestyle... And it doesn't affect you
I hope that my friendship left a good impression too
It doesn't matter to me that you require it no more
Just remember this: I never closed the door!

 

Wayne Alton
31 August 2012


MY DAUGHTER, A POEM

My daughter, Kelly is the single biggest achievement in my life. In February 2012, I put a finger to keyboard and again, wrote all that I was thinking at the time.

MY DAUGHTER - A POEM

She changed my life, from boy to man, she made my life complete
We made a beautiful girl so precious, a bundle of love so sweet
My baby grew into a girl, my pride: it was fit to burst
If I had many achievements, my daughter: she'd be the first

 

And now our Kelly, a pretty young lady, ventures into her teens
With looks that turn many a head, she's attracted to all it seems
With stunning beauty, charisma and charm… that there is no doubt,
Flirtatiously gracious, magic in the air, whenever Kelly's about

 

Some years pass by, a year or more, our paths don't cross for a while
No matter though... We catch up still, hold each other and smile
Closer than close, like a soul mate and even like a best friend
The mix of confiding, trust and love - it's a very well balanced blend

 

I thought our bond could get no stronger
Unique gorgeousness is no longer
Perfection grows as I gain two grandsons
Overjoyed, bursting pride and then some!

 

To describe the love for my daughter, I don't know where to start
For it goes even deeper than the roots, of my weary old heart
My most beautiful precious angel, she means the world to me
She truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me

 

Wayne Alton
15 February 2012


FOREVER MAGGIE

This poem came from moments of sheer grief and mourning for a dear friend who was like an Auntie. I sat at my computer and just wrote what I was thinking about everything that reminded me of 'Maggie.' 

FOREVER MAGGIE

I spent a year seeing your status, showing as offline
My bubbly, zany Internet pal o' mine
But I'm ok Maggs, I used the time so soundly
Preparing that you will no longer be around me

 

I reflect on my nights with you online
Thrashing me at 'Showdown' every time
My jaw used to ache, from laughing so long
You made me cry then too... This is just so wrong!

 

How dare it be time for you to leave me now
I cry and long for those times again somehow
Oh my dear wonderful Maggie, with your laughter in my head
With tears in my eyes as I lie on my bed

 

Thank you precious Maggs, you've been an absolute star
That has lit up my life with all the LOL's and HA-HA's
Heaven will be a funnier place soon, you wait and see
Oh and if you see Jeanie, give her a kiss from me

 

Wayne Alton
31 October 2011


A POEM DERIVED FROM PANIC

This was written quite literally from the worry and panic that I was feeling at the time when a neighbour moved out of the flat above and we were terrified of who might move in next. It was highly tongue-in-cheek but not without some serious meaning.

A POEM DERIVED FROM PANIC

Dear London Borough of Sutton, please lend me your ears
It’s about the neighbourhood where I have lived for more than eight years
You see we’re a decent and friendly and most wonderful group
Where everything is marvellous… nay; quite cocker hoop


As a decent respectful and completely civilised crowd
Our music is silent, never mind ‘not too loud’
Graffiti and litter is not tolerated here
And it is this that we wish to make quite clear


When you are vetting or considering the homeless so needy
Please spare a thought and not be too speedy
We are a retiring bunch and have developed peace and calm
We have it just right here now… free from noise and harm


So if you should consider our concerns at all
Please spare a thought and hear our call
Unsociable undesirables, call them what you will
Please keep them from our neighbourhood

Just the thought makes me ill

 

We need your understanding, that anything less
Would turn our beautiful tranquillity, into an unruly mess

 

Wayne Alton
25 February 2011


WAS THAT YOU LAST NIGHT?

From a genuine strange feeling, sat alone in my room and my mind instantly thinking that it was Dad.

WAS THAT YOU LAST NIGHT?

Was that you last night?
It did give me quite a fright
A strong yet gentle breeze
That started way down at my knees

 

It then gradually came up to my face
It was at a constant and steady pace
It was an unusual breeze of air
Unlike any, I’d felt before, sat there

 

It’s just, and I don’t mean to be rude
But if that was a sign, it can be so misconstrued
I’m longing to know and feel that you are there
If you are then why am I still so unaware?

 

I’ve been without you for a whole year now
How I have managed I just don’t know how
But then listening to music that reminds me of you
Has both brought on and held back a tear or two

 

And with each day I look up at your face
Hoping, yet knowing you’re in a much better place
Instead of this vile, decaying world so rotten
Where great men like you are so readily forgotten

 

Dad, you’re the last of the best, that’s for sure
They really don’t make them like you anymore

 

Wayne Alton
9 May 2009


THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S LIKE NOW, WITHOUT YOU DAD

Just 6 months from Dad's passing and the grief was cutting. I tried to cheer myself up by comparing us as two halves and wondered about only one-half of other things that we're used to seeing or having as two.

THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S LIKE NOW, WITHOUT DAD

Like one leg without a crotch
Or a feel without a touch
Or perhaps Starsky without Hutch
Is how I miss Dad so very much

 

To be a pair of shoes without the heels
Or a café that serves no meals
A chauffeured car yet no wheels
And without Dad, that’s how it feels

 

Oh, I’ve got the cuddle, but no teddy bear
I have the thrill of the rides but no fun fair
A never-ending road yet going nowhere
That’s what it’s like without Dad there

 

A group of cheerleaders, silent without cheer
Alone sat at the bar in a pub with no beer
A sad song and a hankie, but without a tear
That’s what life’s like now, without Dad here

 

Oh I could have a life of luxury and no debts to pay
To spend the rest of my life having my own way
But when I think of you Dad, d’you know what I say?
I’d give it all up in an instant, to have you back for one day

 

Wayne Alton
14 October 2008


SO SAD WITHOUT YOU DAD

Torn apart without Dad in my life reminded me of the rawness of grief, inconsolable and desperate, I sat thinking of the fear and loneliness, despite having all the company that was offered, at the time.

SO SAD WITHOUT DAD

He was the force that dried my tears
He was the comfort of all my fears
When I think of all I had
I am left so sad, without Dad

 

Sitting, staring at the screen
Without him, where have I been?
With him alive, I felt only glad
Now it’s only sad, without Dad

 

It’s not just him that has gone
It’s the strength I had for so long
The order that kept me from going mad
That reminds me now why I’m sad, without Dad

 

Wonderful memories caress my heart
They mend and stop me from falling apart
I think again of all I had
Only then, is it not so sad, without Dad

 

Wayne Alton
22 June 2008


WHERE ARE YOU NOW, MY DADDY

This next poem was written two weeks after my Father died. The sheer pain and grief is best displayed in this, the first of a handful of poems about my dear and greatly missed but never forgotten, Dad.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW, MY DADDY?

Where are you now, my Daddy?
I went to phone you again, today
I needed help with a long word
Oh well, never mind, aye?

 

Where are you now, my Daddy?
I need the sound of your laughter
Can you hear my jokes still?
I still say them, but there's no sound after

 

Where are you now, my Daddy?
Please try and give me a sign
I'm not doing that well without you
Just a 'hello mate' would do fine

 

Where are you now, my Daddy?
Why do I feel so lost and alone?
I can't go on without you to guide me
Or driving to Tesco's on my own

 

Where are you now, my Daddy?
Are you looking? Am I making you proud?
If you could just give me a signal
A sound or a shape in a cloud

 

Where are you now, my Daddy?
Will this empty feeling ever end?
I sit here cold and lonely
With a broken heart that will never mend

 

Wayne Alton
27 April 2008


JEZZ - THERE IS NOBODY MORE THERE

A total sum up of Jezz.

JEZZ - THERE IS NOBODY MORE THERE

There's nobody who is more there
There's nobody else with the extent of care
There's nobody who shares my scares
There's nobody else anywhere

He does everything, He is everything


Wayne S Alton
31 May 2004