Poetry Corner

On the quiet, I enjoy writing… well, sitting in front of the screen with a keyboard. I find it very therapeutic if I am dealing with a traumatic incident or trying to cope with grief. The following poems were written by me:

She’s Mad… I’m Glad

Here are a few words about my dear sister, Nikki. This was written during the Covid-19 pandemic and couldn’t see one another due to lockdown.

We’ve fallen out and then fallen back in
Sometimes I lost, sometimes you’d win
Been rude to each other and called each other names
We’ve had as many fights as we have played games
I’ve put you back on track, you’ve led me astray
We’ve got drunk together in pubs straight and gay
We’ve worked together, it’s been a scream
You and me… we’re quite a team
You held my hand when I nearly died
I’ve held yours while we’ve cried
We’ve lived with each other, good, and bad
You drove me nuts, I drove you mad
You inspire me with your strength
We are always on the same wavelength
You need to know I miss holding you
And just being and laughing with you too
Wayne Alton
4 January 2021

Sometime Every Day

I wanted to write about Jezz and how I feel about him, and then compare that with the opposite feeling that I have.

Sometimes I just don’t wanna wake up
Sometimes I can’t manage on my own
Sometimes I feel so full of fear
Sometimes I feel anxious and so alone
Sometimes I don’t have the strength
Sometimes I don’t really care
Sometimes I want to sit in silence
Sometimes I want to scream with despair
Sometimes I want to run away and just drive
Sometimes I just stay shut in my room
Sometimes I can’t see that tunnel and light
Sometimes it’s just doom and gloom
Sometimes I feel so small and can’t reach
Sometimes I don’t feel so tall
Sometimes I feel I could run a mile
Sometimes I can barely manage a crawl
And then…
Every day I see you off to work
Everyday moments of just us
Every day you make me feel safe
Every day with you is a plus
Every day with you, I feel less weak
Every day I feel I belong
Every day we find the time and talk
Every day with you, it’s like nothing’s wrong
Every day I feel calm with you by my side
Every day when we’re out or at home
Every day a cuddle, a hug or holding hands
Every day I’m reminded I’m not alone
Every day you make me feel brave and tall
Every day you make me try to reach and touch
Every day you hold me from running away
Every day I love you so very much
Wayne Alton
30 August 2020

What Am I Waiting For?

I overthink… I write… another poem… different day, same old shite!


What am I waiting for?
To admit defeat with my health
Or is it to win the lottery?
And experience life with wealth
What am I waiting for?
Is it to continue fighting my fears?
Or grieve for another dying loved one
And live on while fighting tears
What am I waiting for?
Depression keeps me in the past
I long for a pleasant future
But how long the wait? How long will it last?
What am I waiting for?
I need to stop over thinking it
I try to focus on making new memories
Instead of re-living the same old shit
What am I waiting for?
This meaningless life to re-start
This nothing-to-fear feeling to end
A bypass for my thoughts, from the brain to the heart
Wayne Alton
11 August 2020


It’s lockdown 2020, owing to the coronavirus pandemic. During a FaceTime call with my youngest grandson, Jake, we thought it would be fun to make a quick rhyme about one another. Here’s mine, created in about 5 minutes flat so not terribly intellectual… so just like the rest of them, then!


I’m thirsty so a milkshake I shall make
I need to give it a name… I think I’ll call it Jake
I want it to be like a smoothie but not too thick
So I must be careful with the ingredients that I pick
I’ll start with J for juice, to make it nice and sweet
And then add a for apple, this is looking neat
I’ll add a K for kiwi, it’s a furry little fruit
And lastly e is for elephant or should I use an old boot
Wayne Alton
5 June 2020

Raw Mind

I have moments of sheer raw helplessness, and this was written right in the midst of one of these times. 


Doubting, crying, back there, so low
Hold on tight or just let go
Keep it, throw it, I just don’t know
Profound sadness as the tears flow
Mindless, endless, wasted timeline
Got it, lost it, it’s a very thin line
Something’s up, everything’s fine
One day grey, the next sunshine
Trapped, hopelessness, the sense of drowning
Tears and days lost, forever counting
Memories, fading still images browning
Disappointment, failure, sunken and frowning
When it hits hard, it’s completely draining
Energy fights feist, hope is straining
It’s cold, shivering, lost and raining
Only the end feels remaining
Play it down, put on a brave face
Do it now, step out of the empty space
Grab the warmth with a tight embrace
Eyes still cry, but it feels a better place
Hope in the distance, so you give chase
You cry out silently, hope moves faster
This cannot be healed with just a plaster
You realise that ‘it’ is the master
Hope fades, back to the disaster
Doubting, crying, back to helplessness
The only bright outlook is forgetfulness
Back drowning in a sea of woefulness
Accepting a life of sheer tearfulness
Wayne Alton
2 September 2019

A Unique And Complete Bond

I’ve never been sure that I show the love that I feel for my daughter and my two grandsons. I tell them frequently but I feel it just as strong when I’m alone, with my thoughts. I worry that what little I’ve achieved in life, they’ll not be proud of me.


I’ve not done much with my life
And I’m not proud to say
But when I think of what I love most
I wouldn’t have it any other way
My heart is so full of love and admiration
It’s hard to find the words to say
But the love I receive from my boys
Fills me with happiness every day
Seeing the success and beauty of my angel
My daughter, my friend, my pride and joy
I thought I had all the glory
But then came along two beautiful boys
They are huge fun to be around
I want to love and hug them forever
I feel such a unique and complete bond
Whenever we are all together
I love my daughter and grandsons so very much
From when I go to sleep to the moment that I awake
I dedicate this to my gorgeous daughter Kelly
And my handsome grandsons… Ethan and Jake
Wayne Alton
25 April 2018

Together Forever And Never, We’ll Part

I grow old and observe the love within relationships, some developing, some fading and it made me think of what I have with Jezz is very special. David Jack once said that he wished he had a relationship like mine and Jezz’s… one of my favourite compliments, ever! 

We met in 2000, I wasn’t feeling too well
You nursed me to good health, it was then I could tell
The love you showed for me was second to none
The care you gave to me, made you my number one
We became inseparable, the love grew thick and fast
I knew back then our bond was definite to last
So we moved in together and set up our new home
And ever since that day, we have never been alone
As years pass by, our devotion grows so strong
I realise evermore, that you and I belong
People start to envy the dedication that we share
And everybody knows now, that we come as a pair
We hug each other daily, through the sunshine and the frost
We hug and grieve together for loved ones that we’ve lost
If I were a stage wagon, you would be the wheels
I wonder if anyone else knows just how that truly feels
So 17 years together now, I know we’ve got it right
I don’t know any other couple whose bond is so very tight
So I just want to say, I love you with all my heart
We’re together, forever and never forever we’ll part
Wayne S. Alton
14 February 2017

These Old Hands

I sat looking at how old my hands looked, and it instantly reminded me of my Dad’s and my Grandmother’s hands… always looking so old. But that got me thinking of all that they have gone through and achieved. From my Dad making things with wood to the love and care of my Grandmother who loved me like a Mother until the age of 76.


We met in 2000, I wasn’t feeling too well
You nursed me to good health, it was then I could tell
The love you showed for me was second to none
The care you gave to me, made you my number one
We became inseparable, the love grew thick and fast
I knew back then our bond was definite to last
So we moved in together and set up our new home
And ever since that day, we have never been alone
As years pass by, our devotion grows so strong
I realise evermore, that you and I belong
People start to envy the dedication that we share
And everybody knows now, that we come as a pair
We hug each other daily, through the sunshine and the frost
We hug and grieve together for loved ones that we’ve lost
If I were a stage wagon, you would be the wheels
I wonder if anyone else knows just how that truly feels
So 17 years together now, I know we’ve got it right
I don’t know any other couple whose bond is so very tight
So I just want to say, I love you with all my heart
We’re together, forever and never forever we’ll part
Wayne S. Alton
14 February 2017

Homage To The Brussel Sprout

This stems from an actual afternoon having eaten another Christmas ‘cold meat and bubble.’ I wasn’t feeling too comfortable and was torn with the feeling of contentment but all whilst sitting in a haze of disgusting scent.


I’ve had a lot of bubble
And it’s got me into trouble
Because I’ve left a funny smell about the place
If you see me in the street
Before any meet or greet
You might want to think about leaving a larger space
For although I’m a happy fellow
The air around me is a little yellow
As Dad used to say: I fid a little dart
And as I sit here brewing one more
Of this much I am sure
This ain’t the end but merely the start
Look… it’s as simple as this
After sprouts, farting is bliss
I can’t hold it in… I’d surely explode
So have a little compassion
This is just a Yuletide fashion
Mind you, if this carries on, I’ll need a commode
Wayne Alton
27 December 2016

Alone In The Aisles, We Once Walked Together

Eight years living without my Dad and time spent alone in my room, pondering the conversations I haven’t been able to have made me remember what I used to do when Dad was around. 


Monday mornings, the drive on my own
These days without you, if only I’d known
I’d have done more than just call each day
Then maybe the sadness wouldn’t be this way
Cos I’d have more memories than I have of you
These grey days wouldn’t be so blue
It’s 8 years now, with you gone
This heartache just goes on and on
Who can I turn to? I still have no one else, Dad
Which explains why some of my decisions are bad
You gave me the logic, the sense to decide
My choices with your wisdom I held with pride
When I think of my life now, with its torments and fears
I still can’t seem to hold back the tears
The pain of loneliness leaves my heart sore
I want to tell you a joke on the phone once more
I hold out every day to hear you laugh with me again
But I wander on and try to cope with the pain
Thinking of you keeps you with me forever
Alone in the aisles, we once walked together
Wayne S. Alton
2 August 2016

A Catch Up With Dad

I was thinking if I was able to speak to Dad again… on the phone, say, then what would I tell him? How would the conversation go?


Hiya Pops, how’s it going?
“How’s yer bum for spots?” Whatcha’ knowin’
It’s been eight years now, did you know?
Blimey, where does the time all go?

Do you remember that sweet wrapper you made?
I’ve still got it and while colours fade
The shape and the folds remain
M for Michele, N for Nik and W for Wayne
Well it gave me an idea or two
I created a design from it and had a tattoo
It’s just down from the other one I had done
It’s of your signature, I love that one
I was talking to Zoe about you last week, as you do
She’s got some fun and lovely memories of you
She recalled some of the funny sayings you had
Such an odd feeling… laughing while feeling sad
Oh and Dad, I went to the crematorium the other week
Sorry I haven’t been in a while, it did look a bit bleak
But I refreshed the flowers and cleaned the plaque
And did my usual walking away but looking back
I haven't spoken to you since Aunty Gwen passed away
That was another sad and mournful day
But I hope you got to hear my eulogy I read out
I can’t be sure but I reckon you were about
Well the move went ok and we’ve settled in now
We got here in the end but I don’t know how
Don’t know what you’d think of shoes off at the door
No smoking outside, let alone indoors!
Hey, Dad… you’d be proud, I’m looking after your tools
Everything in its place… the household rules
And although your shrine has reduced just a tad
There are keepsakes of you around so it’s not so bad
And have you seen me at the gym, trying to keep fit?
It’s not helping me fitness much and I ache quite a bit
And I’m not noticing much change on me weekly weigh-in
But if you’re there watching… I know what you’re saying
‘Cos remember what you’d say when we were out and about?
An old bloke in shorts running by, all puffed out
Instead of us admiring his concerns for his health
You’d say aloud: “The silly sod… he’ll kill himself”
Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I still think of you dear
There’s not a day goes by that I don’t have you near
Right me old man, I’ll be off now then
Speak to you again soon, TTFN
Wayne Alton
14 April 2016

Seventh Christmas Without You, Dad

It dawned on me that no matter how long it takes time to pass by, I live in a constant timeframe when it comes to remembering Dad being around. Events like Christmas gatherings are the biggest stark reminder.


This is our 7th Christmas without you Dad
I said a few years back I ain’t doing so well
But it’s the real reason why I am so sad
I try to hide it… and I think they can’t tell
I feel the emptiness you felt back then
When Betty died that Christmas Eve
Will I feel happiness at Christmas ever again?
Will this ache in my heart ever leave?
They say: “Stop living in the past! It’s time to let go,
Get on with your life and move on”
But they didn’t have a Dad like you, so what do they know?
Besides, thinking of you helps me along!
So wherever you are, Merry Christmas Dad
You’re not forgotten in my heart or my head
And when I think of all the things that I once had
I forget them all and think of you instead
Wayne Alton 
Christmas Eve, 2014

Please Think Before You Judge Me

This was a particular telephone call from a friend. I started questioning the value of a friendship when it was continually being filled with confidence-bashing and leaving me feeling worse than I already did. 


It feels my whole life has been questioned
Feeling washed up and useless isn’t enough
People like to remind you that you’re no good
So-called friends can be so rough
I’m sure people think I'm having a ball
And call me names behind my back
He’s a leach, a sponger, lives off the state
But it’s only energy that I lack
I can still feel, hear and see
And I try to do right where I can
But you only see me when I’m well
The rest of the time, I’m really a sick man
Think about it; would you employ me?
A risk to take on, unreliable in health
One day fine, the next day ill
And don’t be fooled by the appearance of any wealth
I can’t socialise like I used to
I don’t party, drink or smoke
I spend my life sat in my room
If it wasn’t so sad it would be a joke
What I’m saying is I have no debts
My outgoings are just household bills
So mostly my money is spent on heating,
Washing, cleaning and meals
You know I’d work if I could
If someone would take me on
But you probably think that’s an excuse too
He’s lying… it’s just a con
Of course, it’s easy money
But it’s a trap for me too
I don’t want to be looked at this way
I’d like to be normal… just like you
So please think before you judge me
I’m not lazy but neither am I fit
I just fear I could not sustain work
And if I tried, could I maintain it?
Wayne S. Alton
13 December 2014

My big, Sis, Michèle

I had already created a poem tributing my sister Nikki and thought it only correct to do the same for my sister, Michele.


There’s something about me and my big sis
It’s spooky and spiritual and in no way remiss
Our emotions hardwired and I don’t know why
We can be miles apart and yet both start to cry
I feel her energy, strength, temper and pain
I feel her trying, again and again
She wins in the end as elegance shines through
And you can depend on her judgement, to be honest and true
My big sister Michèle does have one strange quirk
Try this out on her, it’ll definitely work
Ask her something like who ran up the hill with Jack
She won’t say Jill, but instead ask a question back!
Wayne S. Alton
22 October 2014

Jezz Is My Complete

I have many feelings of emotions when I think of how Jezz has supported me over the years and this was 14 years into knowing him. I thought of what he does for me and how his involvement in my life affects me and what I am capable of.


Jezz is my complete constant and absolute
He keeps me safe and warm
The tight togetherness you cannot refute
Shade in the sunshine, shelter in a storm
He protects me like a bodyguard
He manages and keeps me in check
Cos looking after me can be quite hard
But he sorts the parts that are like a wreck
Without Jezz, I would sit and wonder
I couldn’t live on my own, just me
My life and world would be asunder
I’d no longer stand, walk, hear nor see
Wayne Alton
5 October 2014

My Big Sister, Nikki

The devotion that my sister Nikki shows to me is overwhelming and is truly a wonderful feeling. I wanted to show recognition of this and express my thanks for the outpouring of love she continues to show on an almost daily basis.


My big sister loves me so much
And it shows from time to time
I thought I'd spend a moment or two
to say thanks with a little rhyme
You're a whirlwind… no… a tornado
Of relentless laughter and fun
If it were possible to weigh it all
The scales would read more than a ton!
Thanks for being my rock so still
And once again you hold my hand
Whenever I'm feeling poorly or ill
You always understand
Wayne S. Alton
3 October 2014

Memories Of My Growing Up

This is a poem written over several weeks that looks back on the memories of my growing up…


Bouncing on space-hoppers seemed safer by far
Than white-knuckle rides in Grandpa’s car
Unknown destinations, powdered bonbons we’d suck
And under every bridge, Grandpa would shout “duck!”
Going to Harold Park, we’d call the ‘old rec’
Didn’t matter if it was cold, we had our Ready Brek
Playing on playground rides, remember The Mexican Hat?
Life in your own hands when you got on that!
Black Jacks and fruit salads, 2 for 1p
Choice of flavours for crisps, only two or three
Double Agents, candy tobacco, Milk Tray as a bar
M&M’s were Treets, cola cubes from a glass jar

Frozen triangles of ice, Jubbly’s were their name
You can still get them now but they’re not the same
It’s the same with Wagon Wheels, they used to be huge
Ooh, and I’ve just remembered: Pacers, the stripy mint chews
Bunking off on my Chopper bike and home in time for tea
Buying 10 JPS with all of my dinner money
We had a hideout camp at the back of Royston Park
It even had a battery-powered lantern for when it got dark
Homemade Go-karts with no brakes, screaming downhill
The worst name for the police was simply ‘old bill’
Pavements melting from the ‘76 heat wave
Playing cards with the family, and the winnings we’d save
Saturday afternoons, silence with Gran, it’s ten past five
World Of Sport league table results, read out live
Then every Thursday evening the doorbell rung
It was Bob the pools man, to see if Gran had won
When the news on the telly was boring and never funny
The smell of Grandpa’s tomatoes, the garden so sunny
I kept digging and digging because of what he said
Australia’s down there – so gullible and easily led
There was no shampoo for head lice, nothing so grand
You just put up with Gran pulling at every strand
Dramas didn’t stop at just your hair
Swimming baths and verrucas were also a common affair
Playing vinyl on Gran’s Gramophone
No graphic equalizer - you were lucky if you had a knob for tone
Those were the days of Top of the Pops LP’s
Popular chart songs sung by someone else… badly!
Christmastime family gatherings – the smell of sherry
Egg nog with a cocktail stick and a glacē cherry
A single Babycham – that yearly treat
Throwing up too many pickled onions made it all complete
Do your Frank Spencer impression and Tommy Cooper too
Do that funny walk on your knees and where’s your Emu?
Black hands from the newspaper during pass the parcel
Cheating when the music stops… you naughty little rascal
Sneaking downstairs before it’s time to get up
Grandpa’s tot of whiskey in my teacup
Saturday nights, we nearly got what for
Watching Starsky & Hutch through the crack in the door
Learning to wear a tie and doing up laces
Morning assembly and fresh singing faces
Short trousers showing our skinned knees
Running from stag beetles and bumble bees
Getting caught smoking in junior school
Three smacks on the legs with a wooden rule
Wait ’til your father gets home and I’ll skin ya alive
Get changed out of your uniform and table laid by five
Homemade lamb stew all gristle and with bones in
You be thankful, eat it up and stop yer moaning
Homemade rice pudding, who wants the skin?
Hoarding Brussell Sprouts ’til you got to the bin

These are just some memories of my growing up
I’ll put the kettle on and make another cup
Then jot them down, for you to view
After I’ve pieced them together and called them part two
Wayne Alton
9 September 2014

I Think Of You At Least Every Day

Exactly one year without my dearest and most missed friend, David, I wrote this poem to express how I was feeling at that time, remembering him, one year on.


DD, how did we cram in so much
In such a short space of time
But wow the memories I do clutch
That brighten up this dark world of mine
So clever to teach without even knowing
To give me the ability to see
That, although middle age, still growing
You paved my future's path for me
You self-less rock of a man
I still miss you so much you know
And typically, as only you can
Your kind love and wisdom continues to show
Every decision I consider today
Every laugh, every thought, every tear
Is easier in a funny sort of way
I cope: pretending you're sat near
Thank you, DD, for letting us love you
I look back and now understand 
I realise now that you already knew
That you were going to let go of my hand
But thanks to all the memories of you
I have a zest for life and hey...
I reckon I'll make it through
Cos I think of you at least every day
Wayne Alton
13 November 2012

Ode To A Cottage

Having spent a long FaceTime call with David Jack, reminiscing on old haunts for cruising and cottaging, I put down first a list of them and then just got them to rhyme. 


Opposite the long gone Cherry Orchard – there’s a memory or two
Oblivious as they walk over what was once a great underground loo
Derelict now but once a busy car park off Sutton Lane
Do you think they will ever open it up again?
Pulled down and now car parking space for the Holiday Inn
Sutton’s best that was… real brick… not made out of tin
Oh how we grieved when, for one last time, they closed the doors
Under Wallington library, we left a wreath on the floor
“I’ll see ya at Katherine Street later then,” another memory of old
Right opposite the police station too! How bold!
Then there was that one, near South Croydon bus depot
Down a side road as I remember, so long ago
The Drummond Centre, notes and hands came under the wall
Double the fun in the middle cubicle
Or a tad of privacy in the disabled lock up, ideal for two
We didn’t think about much then, what, why and with who
Behind Bejams was another Croydon hot spot
It was later called McCluskys and other names I’ve since forgot
Keeley Road had its moments… ideal for lunch hour fun
Popping out for a nosh; I meant a bacon roll and a sticky bun!
And then Purley Way with its busy car park
Fondling strangers late at night and in the dark
And then Holly Lane had its moments too
Well, when the council didn’t close the gents loo
But then again, it still went on around the back
Again, hard in the dark but ok if you got the knack!
We’d gather at Epsom Downs and if there was nowt going on
We’d stand about and natter about the goings on
Have you seen that one in the Micra? She’s ever so camp
Who’s in the end cubicle? Only a drunk old tramp.
They raided Bejams again yesterday, took away 2 queens in a van
And took down the particulars of another young man
Let’s share the tales of shenanigans; of the loos long gone
Only happy memories – makes ya’ wonder why was it so wrong?
But they’ve gone now, no more… dried up or pulled down
Or filled in and paved over those ones once underground
But don’t get too down-hearted, all is not lost
Queers are a cruisey bunch, they’ll find cock at any cost
So if you see a rustling bush or two pairs of feet under a wall
There’s no harm being done, It’s just two guys going at it, that’s all
You see, there was always a place to frolic, many moons ago
But they’ve pulled them down or cut them back… still… hay-ho
So leave the old queens alone, they’re not harming you
Hell, fuck it… join in! You might have fun too
Wayne Alton
26 January 2012

Break Me If You Can

This poem was written when I was feeling very low. Part of the reason was that someone had treated me appallingly and I wasn’t expecting it. Rather than let them know, I said nothing but put words into a poem instead. I love the idea of them stumbling on my site and this page, reading this poem and knowing that it was all about them.


You know that I am an open book... And that I have nothing to hide
You have shared the tears of laughter and the sad ones that I have cried
I have no secrets from you, you know all there is to know,
I am there for all to see, all of me is on show
You may chip away at my confidence, you can take away my pride
Cross-examine me, and know that I have not lied
Disbelieve my words, I can do no more
I live my world with honesty, at least of that I am sure
I have little to offer, but what I have you can be sure
That my loyalty, honesty and trust can be described as pure
I keep my arms open wide, as there's always a comfort-hug to share
But my heart is scarred and battered because it too is always there
And as the years roll on and my eyes see another year go by
Another goodbye to a loved one blurs the vision as I cry
But it's the ones who remain, who cause a similar grief
Rejecting my friendship from just an opinion or belief
I wish of those no longer around... To be here with me once more
For they didn't judge or frown - just a true love for sure
Dad, DD, Jeanie and Maggs, to name but a few
To those still here with their out-dated views, respect still but I'm through
I'm comfortable with my lifestyle... And it doesn't affect you
I hope that my friendship left a good impression too
It doesn't matter to me that you require it no more
Just remember this: I never closed the door!
Wayne Alton
31 August 2012

My Daughter, A Poem

My daughter, Kelly is the single biggest achievement in my life. In February 2012, I put a finger to keyboard and again, wrote all that I was thinking at the time.


She changed my life, from boy to man, she made my life complete
We made a beautiful girl so precious, a bundle of love so sweet
My baby grew into a girl, my pride: it was fit to burst
If I had many achievements, my daughter: she'd be the first
And now our Kelly, a pretty young lady, ventures into her teens
With looks that turn many a head, she's attracted to all it seems
With stunning beauty, charisma and charm… that there is no doubt,
Flirtatiously gracious, magic in the air, whenever Kelly's about
Some years pass by, a year or more, our paths don't cross for a while
No matter though... We catch up still, hold each other and smile
Closer than close, like a soul mate and even like a best friend
The mix of confiding, trust and love - it's a very well balanced blend
I thought our bond could get no stronger
Unique gorgeousness is no longer
Perfection grows as I gain two grandsons
Overjoyed, bursting pride and then some!
To describe the love for my daughter, I don't know where to start
For it goes even deeper than the roots, of my weary old heart
My most beautiful precious angel, she means the world to me
She truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me
Wayne Alton
15 February 2012

Forever Maggie

This poem came from moments of sheer grief and mourning for a dear friend who was like an Auntie. I sat at my computer and just wrote what I was thinking about everything that reminded me of ‘Maggie.’ 


I spent a year seeing your status, showing as offline
My bubbly, zany Internet pal o' mine
But I'm ok Maggs, I used the time so soundly
Preparing that you will no longer be around me
I reflect on my nights with you online
Thrashing me at 'Showdown' every time
My jaw used to ache, from laughing so long
You made me cry then too... This is just so wrong!
How dare it be time for you to leave me now
I cry and long for those times again somehow
Oh my dear wonderful Maggie, with your laughter in my head
With tears in my eyes as I lie on my bed
Thank you precious Maggs, you've been an absolute star
That has lit up my life with all the LOL's and HA-HA's
Heaven will be a funnier place soon, you wait and see
Oh and if you see Jeanie, give her a kiss from me
Wayne Alton
31 October 2011

A Poem Derived From Panic

This was written quite literally from the worry and panic that I was feeling at the time when a neighbour moved out of the flat above and we were terrified of who might move in next. It was highly tongue-in-cheek but not without some serious meaning.


Dear London Borough of Sutton, please lend me your ears
It’s about the neighbourhood where I have lived for more than eight years
You see we’re a decent and friendly and most wonderful group
Where everything is marvellous… nay; quite cocker hoop

As a decent respectful and completely civilised crowd
Our music is silent, never mind ‘not too loud’
Graffiti and litter is not tolerated here
And it is this that we wish to make quite clear

When you are vetting or considering the homeless so needy
Please spare a thought and not be too speedy
We are a retiring bunch and have developed peace and calm
We have it just right here now… free from noise and harm

So if you should consider our concerns at all
Please spare a thought and hear our call
Unsociable undesirables, call them what you will
Please keep them from our neighbourhood
Just the thought makes me ill
We need your understanding, that anything less
Would turn our beautiful tranquillity, into an unruly mess
Wayne Alton
25 February 2011

Was That You Last Night?

From a genuine strange feeling, sat alone in my room and my mind instantly thinking that it was Dad.


Was that you last night?
It did give me quite a fright
A strong yet gentle breeze
That started way down at my knees
It then gradually came up to my face
It was at a constant and steady pace
It was an unusual breeze of air
Unlike any, I’d felt before, sat there
It’s just, and I don’t mean to be rude
But if that was a sign, it can be so misconstrued
I’m longing to know and feel that you are there
If you are then why am I still so unaware?
I’ve been without you for a whole year now
How I have managed I just don’t know how
But then listening to music that reminds me of you
Has both brought on and held back a tear or two
And with each day I look up at your face
Hoping, yet knowing you’re in a much better place
Instead of this vile, decaying world so rotten
Where great men like you are so readily forgotten
Dad, you’re the last of the best, that’s for sure
They really don’t make them like you anymore
Wayne Alton
9 May 2009

That’s What Life’s Like Now, Without You, Dad

Just 6 months from Dad’s passing and the grief was cutting. I tried to cheer myself up by comparing us as two halves and wondered about only one-half of other things that we’re used to seeing or having as two.


Like one leg without a crotch
Or a feel without a touch
Or perhaps Starsky without Hutch
Is how I miss Dad so very much
To be a pair of shoes without the heels
Or a café that serves no meals
A chauffeured car yet no wheels
And without Dad, that’s how it feels
Oh, I’ve got the cuddle, but no teddy bear
I have the thrill of the rides but no fun fair
A never-ending road yet going nowhere
That’s what it’s like without Dad there
A group of cheerleaders, silent without cheer
Alone sat at the bar in a pub with no beer
A sad song and a hankie, but without a tear
That’s what life’s like now, without Dad here
Oh I could have a life of luxury and no debts to pay
To spend the rest of my life having my own way
But when I think of you Dad, d’you know what I say?
I’d give it all up in an instant, to have you back for one day
Wayne Alton
14 October 2008

So Sad Without You, Dad

Torn apart without Dad in my life reminded me of the rawness of grief, inconsolable and desperate, I sat thinking of the fear and loneliness, despite having all the company that was offered, at the time.


He was the force that dried my tears
He was the comfort of all my fears
When I think of all I had
I am left so sad, without Dad
Sitting, staring at the screen
Without him, where have I been?
With him alive, I felt only glad
Now it’s only sad, without Dad
It’s not just him that has gone
It’s the strength I had for so long
The order that kept me from going mad
That reminds me now why I’m sad, without Dad
Wonderful memories caress my heart
They mend and stop me from falling apart
I think again of all I had
Only then, is it not so sad, without Dad
Wayne Alton
22 June 2008

Where Are You Now, My Daddy

This next poem was written two weeks after my Father died. The sheer pain and grief is best displayed in this, the first of a handful of poems about my dear and greatly missed but never forgotten, Dad.


Where are you now, my Daddy?
I went to phone you again, today
I needed help with a long word
Oh well, never mind, aye?
Where are you now, my Daddy?
I need the sound of your laughter
Can you hear my jokes still?
I still say them, but there's no sound after
Where are you now, my Daddy?
Please try and give me a sign
I'm not doing that well without you
Just a 'hello mate' would do fine
Where are you now, my Daddy?
Why do I feel so lost and alone?
I can't go on without you to guide me
Or driving to Tesco's on my own
Where are you now, my Daddy?
Are you looking? Am I making you proud?
If you could just give me a signal
A sound or a shape in a cloud
Where are you now, my Daddy?
Will this empty feeling ever end?
I sit here cold and lonely
With a broken heart that will never mend
Wayne Alton
27 April 2008

Jezz – There Is Nobody More There

A total sum up of Jezz.


There's nobody who is more there
There's nobody else with the extent of care
There's nobody who shares my scares
There's nobody else anywhere
He does everything, He is everything

Wayne S Alton
31 May 2004

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